it’s coming to that time of year where sweater weather turns into sweaty weather
This is the wittiest thing I’ve ever said and I’m annoyed it has so few notes
One of the kids in my high school class was born on April Fool’s and his dad missed his birth because when his mom called to say she was in labour he laughed and hung up on her
It’s hilarious that non-Americans on Tumblr are all like “OMG DENNY’S TUMBLR MAKES ME WISH I LIVED IN AMERICA SO I COULD EAT THERE,” while us Americans will literally only eat at Dennys if it’s 3 in the morning and we’ve lost control of our life.
You don’t go to Denny’s. You end up at Denny’s.
What if a pregnancy test just said:
You’re not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you.
becoming older than 10 years old was the biggest mistake of my life
I think it’d be rather exciting to meet a pirate.
#pirates of the caribbean was kind of a formative influence #and nothing about these movies so much as her—snarling selfish sea-hungry pirate king #sometimes I rewatch the first movie and laugh to myself about how little it understood her and will; how it tried to convince us #that will was the pirate because he was chasing after her; and pirates are obsessed with treasure #when elizabeth spends the first movie chasing freedom and the next two chasing him; chasing her freedom; chasing war; chasing the world #her wedding was interrupted and she held the man responsible at gunpoint until he gave her letters of pardon #she was mistaken for a sea goddess and accepted it without question; she led an army to war as though it were her due #and she did it all without ever apologizing for the lives she takes or the lies she tells and when she betrays sparrow with a kiss #he hisses ”pirate” because what else could she be
What are you so afraid of!?
I’m REALLY sorry but it looks like they’re about to rap battle
it got better