Dumbledore: “and with 350 points Slytherin wins the house cup
But I have a few extra points to give out
500 points to Dumbledore for being the best headmaster”
*house flags all change to Dumbledore’s face*
a little girl in the grocery store just asked me if i was a princess because my dress was pretty and i said everyone’s a princess and she pointed to her dad and asked if he was a princess too and her dad said yep its true im a princess and she looked so happy idk it was adorable
taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up? in thirty minutes? in 2 hours? in 7 years?? no one can be sure
Why do people never want to tell you their middle name like who gives a shit its not a nuclear launch code its your damn name
people who think i’m attractive:
- my mom
- no one
call me old fashioned but 4 year olds should not own iPhones
THIS IS A PSA
THIS APP IS CALLED SAFETREK AND IS ABSOLUTELY INVALUABLE TO ANYONE WALKING ANYWHERE WHERE THEY DONT FEEL SAFE
YOU ENTER YOUR INFO AND SET A PIN AND THEN WHENEVER YOU DONT FEEL SAFE, YOU HOLD DOWN THE BLUE BUTTON UNTIL YOU DO
ONCE YOU RELEASE THE BUTTON, YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO ENTER YOUR PIN, AND IF YOU DONT THE POLICE WILL BE NOTIFIED OF YOUR LOCATION AND DISTRESS CALL
I TRULY BELIEVE THIS APP CAN HELP SOMEONE OUT THERE SO PLEASE DOWNLOAD IThttps://itunes.apple.com/us/app/safetrek/id716262008?mt=8
signal boost the shit out of this
A proud new dad sits down to have a drink with his father
"Well son, now that you’ve got a kid of your own, I think it’s time to give you this"
"Dad, you don’t mean-"
"Yes son, I do" *Dad pulls out copy of 1001 Dad Jokes, 5th Edition*
"Dad… I’m honoured…", he says, tears sparkling in his eyes.
"Hi honoured", replies his father. "I’m dad".
Everything looks better in black